[Fic] Foresight Is 20/20 - D.Gray-man, Kanda/Lavi, 6/12+
Title: Foresight Is 20/20
Series: D.Gray-man
Pairing: Kanda/Lavi
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: violence, angst, yaoi, swearing, the usual
Chapter length: 4624
Total length: 22,415

Forewarned may be fore-armed, but sometimes knowing in advance isn't everything it's cracked up to be.



There was no answer to Kanda's knock, and he frowned at the door in irritation. It was possible that Lavi wasn't in his room, of course; in the past it would have been highly unusual to find the gregarious redhead squirreled away in solitude. But in the last weeks the other man's habits had changed rather drastically, and now he tended to spend most of his time alone.

Figuring it was more likely that Lavi was ignoring him than that the other man was somewhere else, Kanda shoved the door open and peered inside. Sure enough the redhead was there, kneeling on the floor in front of a giant map that he'd spread out over the little empty space available. Lavi was focused intently on the map, trailing his finger slowly over the surface. He'd shoved his eyepatch up and both his eyes were gold, but otherwise he looked normal. If he was aware of Kanda's presence, he gave no indication of it.

That was exactly the same position he'd been in the last time Kanda had checked on him, first thing that morning. Frowning, Kanda stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He opened his mouth to say something, but hesitated when Lavi suddenly reached out and grabbed a pen that was waiting in an inkwell beside the map.

Lavi circled an area and scribbled hasty notations next to it. There were a few other such markings, scattered over northern Europe. Once he was finished Lavi returned the pen to the inkwell and resumed tracing a path over the map, still without ever acknowledging Kanda.

"What are you doing?" Kanda said, tired of waiting. Lavi jumped and looked up at him, golden eyes wide in surprise.

"Yuu! Fuck, don't sneak up on me like that, would you?" Shaking his head, Lavi leaned back and groaned as several vertebrae in his back popped audibly. "Ow, damn it. How long have I been sitting here?"

"Since this morning, apparently. At least, you don't seem to have moved since I checked on you then," Kanda informed him. "I expected you to see I was coming. You usually do."

"I can only see one thing at a time, apparently." Lavi shrugged, looking rueful. "If I'm concentrating on one thing, then I don't get any warning of anything else. That was how Bookman caught me in the library that first night."

"I'd wondered," Kanda admitted, coming forward to kneel on the other side of the map. He studied the marked areas, but he couldn't even identify the language the writing was in, let alone read it. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for problems," Lavi said as he reached up to tug his eyepatch back into place. His other eye had returned to green, but the right one had remained gold as it always did. "I damn near gave myself a migraine trying to find the rest of the Innocence; something about it blocks my powers, I guess. I can't even see the Innocence I know is here, let alone stuff I don't know the location of. But I finally realized I could scan for places where Akuma are gathering or causing a lot of trouble, and keep an eye on all the Exorcists we have out in the field. It's something, at least."

Kanda looked at the markings with new respect. "It's more than just something. This will save a lot of time and effort, especially for the finders in the area."

Lavi's smile was bitter. "Yeah, well. They won't let me be an Exorcist, but at least I can be an uber-finder."

"You're still an Exorcist. It's not like they've taken your Innocence from you," Kanda argued, frowning.

"No, but they won't let me out of headquarters either," Lavi countered. "My Innocence isn't doing anyone any good cooped up in here. Neither is yours, for that matter, since you're effectively glued to my side."

Kanda grunted and looked away, because that was becoming a serious thorn in his side as well. Officially Lavi was being kept here 'for observation and study of the extent of the powers of a Noah', but the reality was simply that they didn't trust him away from supervision. And since Kanda was shackled to Lavi by his own rash words, he was trapped as well. At least Lavi had something he could do to be useful.

"They'll relent eventually," he said, trying to seem more certain than he felt. "They can't afford to keep two Exorcists off duty for long."

"No, they can't," Lavi agreed, but he sounded pensive rather than hopeful. Looking pained, the redhead rubbed at his eye. "God, I've got a headache. Probably just as well you interrupted me, I think I was starting to see double."

"When was the last time you ate?" Kanda asked. Lavi hesitated, and Kanda snorted. "That's answer enough. You don't need a guard, you need a damned nursemaid. Komui would be better off assigning Allen to you. He'd be willing to coddle you." He stood and jerked his head impatiently at the door. "Come on, let's go."

Lavi stood as well, but he was looking in the direction of the cafeteria with that unfocused gaze that meant he was seeing something Kanda couldn't. "Everyone else is there, too. It's supper time, isn't it?" He sighed. "I guess they'll probably start wondering what I'm up to if they don't see me every so often, huh? At least Bookman's not there."

"He's gone out with Krory and Allen," Kanda told him, more than a little sour about it. At this point he was envious of anyone who got sent out on a mission, no matter how tedious.

"Well, good." Lavi perked up a bit at that. "I can stop worrying about being ambushed if I leave the room, at least for a while. C'mon, Yuu. Now that you've reminded me about food, I'm starving."

The redhead's improved mood lasted until they reached the cafeteria, where the mingled conversations abruptly died the moment they came through the doors. Kanda saw Lavi wince faintly. Then the other man lifted his head and pasted on a very convincing smile, heading for the order window as if absolutely nothing was wrong.

It wasn't hard to see why Bookman had said he thought Lavi wouldn't have trouble convincing people he was fine. If Kanda hadn't seen that wince, hadn't heard Lavi's earlier reluctance to face everyone else, he wouldn't have had a clue that anything was wrong. Even though he knew it was fake, Kanda couldn't see through Lavi's smile.

Slowly the noise level rose again as people resumed talking. In fact everything was just a little too loud, the laughter a little too bright, as if everyone was trying too hard to pretend nothing was wrong. Kanda scowled as he waited his turn in line. The whole thing was starting to piss him off. Lavi hadn't done a damned thing to earn everyone's continuing distrust, had in fact accepted every restriction they'd piled on him without complaint and done his best to fulfill his promise to use his powers to help turn the tide of the war in favour of the Order.

Not that Kanda particularly cared if the idiot was getting his feelings hurt, but it was the principle of the thing.

Turning, he surveyed the room in hopes of finding an empty or mostly-empty table to sit at. It wasn't hard to spot one; Lavi's red hair stood out like a beacon as always, especially when he was surrounded by empty space. Kanda stared. It wasn't like Lavi to sit alone... and hadn't that table been full of people when they'd come in?

A moment later he understood when two more of the researchers picked up their trays and quickly excused themselves, carrying their half-finished meals to the disposal area. That left only Lavi and Lenalee at the table, and judging by the look on Lenalee's face she didn't particularly want to be there either.

Well, he was supposed to be keeping an eye on Lavi, Kanda told himself as he strode over and deposited his food directly across from Lavi. And it was the emptiest table in the room. He settled into the seat with a glare that dared either of the other Exorcists to comment. Lenalee just gave him a tentative smile in return, and Lavi's bright grin only broadened.

"Sinking to our level, Yuu?" Lavi drawled. "You don't usually deign to join the rest of us. Or do you just wanna make sure I don't stab somebody with my fork?"

"I wouldn't put it past you to do something that idiotic," Kanda muttered, and got a faint snort of real amusement from Lavi in return.

"Um..." Lenalee looked at them, obviously trying to find something to say. Her dinner was almost finished, but she was only toying with it now, chasing a grain of rice around the bowl with her chopsticks.

Lavi's smile gentled as he looked at her. "It's okay, Lenalee," he said softly. "Go on, you don't have to stay just to keep me company if you're done."

"It's not that I... I mean..." Lenalee seemed flustered, putting her chopsticks down and shaking her head. "Lavi, I don't want you to think..."

"Really, it's okay," he repeated. She hesitated a moment longer, then nodded and stood, picking up her tray. She reached out as she passed, patting Lavi on the shoulder as if determined to prove that it wasn't his presence that had driven her off.

"Well, that's an improvement. She wouldn't have touched me a week ago," Lavi said, fixing his attention on his food. His smile was wavering a bit, Kanda noticed, and there was a pinched look around his eye. A moment later he rubbed his temple as if his headache had gotten worse, and winced.

"It would improve faster if you didn't spend all your time hiding from them," Kanda pointed out caustically. Not that he blamed Lavi, considering the way everyone was treating him like a dangerous creature that might bite if provoked in the least. "You're not acting the way you usually do, and that's throwing them off more."

"I would if I could, but I can't," Lavi sighed, and stopped trying quite so hard to act like he hadn't a care in the world. He propped his head on one hand and prodded his dinner with his fork, making no move to actually eat any of it. "It's hard to spend much time around other people. It hurts to see them flinch from me, and the more I try not to let it get to me, the louder Noah becomes. Not to mention that being close to people means I tend to see flashes of things about their pasts. I don't particularly want to know that the finder over in the corner has managed to seduce at least three different Exorcists, or that Johnny likes to wear women's underwear when he's alone in his room."

"You see all that just from being near them?" Kanda said, appalled. Lavi had spent more time in his presence since gaining these powers than around everyone else combined. How many of Kanda's secrets had he learned?

"Relax, Yuu," Lavi said, giving him a wry grin. "You may be the one person who's safe from me. I don't get glimpses of the past from you, just..." He broke off abruptly and flushed, shaking his head. Suddenly he was very interested in his dinner, shovelling a huge mouthful of food into his mouth so he wouldn't have to keep talking.

"Just what?" Kanda demanded, suspicious. Lavi chewed industriously and refused to answer, which only made Kanda more irate. "Just what, Lavi? What do you see?"

Finally Lavi had to swallow, and Kanda's hand snapped out to grab his wrist before he could take another bite. He looked up, startled, and met Kanda's eyes for an instant. Then his gaze went unfocused in the way Kanda had learned meant he was having another vision, and his flush deepened. "Tell me," Kanda insisted, tightening his grip until Lavi yelped and came back to the present.

"Nothing! It's nothing," Lavi mumbled, trying to pull his hand away. "You don't wanna know, Yuu. Trust me on this one."

"I don't trust you," Kanda growled. "What the hell are you seeing? My death?"

"No, nothing like that," Lavi hastily assured him. "I'd warn you if I saw anything that might be a danger to you."

"Then what is it?"

"You really don't wanna know," Lavi said, rather plaintively. When Kanda just glared at him, his shoulders slumped. "Don't say I didn't warn you. I keep getting visions of the two of us having sex."

That was such an utterly ludicrous proposition that it took a moment to sink in. When it finally did, Kanda sputtered and dropped Lavi's arm like a hot brick. "Wh-what?"

"I told you," Lavi said, looking amused despite himself.

"That's ridiculous!" Kanda snapped, feeling heat creep up the back of his neck. Him... and Lavi? Never. Lavi had been irritating at best and outright maddening at worst, even before he'd become a Noah. Maybe, in the very depths of his mind, Kanda could admit that Lavi was one of the more attractive men in the Order, and perhaps he'd even had a stray thought or two about the redhead when he couldn't ignore the needs of his body any longer, but that didn't mean anything.

Realizing they were drawing attention - though thank all the gods, Lavi had spoken quietly enough that nobody but Kanda would have been able to hear him - Kanda glared at the room in general. He heard at least one person squeak, and everyone was suddenly looking anywhere but at Lavi and Kanda. That didn't mean they weren't still listening, though.

"Not in a million years," he hissed, struggling to keep his own voice down. "Not if you were the last man on earth." Belatedly he realized he should have protested that he was only interested in women, but it was too late now.

Lavi's eyebrow rose. "Didn't realize you even went in for men, Yuu. That makes it marginally more likely, I s'ppose, but I agree with you. This has gotta be the one vision that's wrong. There's no way."

The reminder that all of Lavi's other visions had come true didn't sit well with Kanda. On the other hand, he'd rather the other man be seeing impossibilities like that than any bits of Kanda's past or private matters. "Exactly how often have you seen this?"

"More than I want to," Lavi muttered, ducking his head as his cheeks went pink enough to clash with his hair. Kanda remembered all the times when he'd seen Lavi blush to one degree or another after having a vision. It had happened more often than he cared to think about.

"Well, stop doing it!" Kanda couldn't remember being more mortified by anything in his life.

"Don't you think I would if I could?" Lavi protested, frowning. "Damn it, Yuu, I told you I don't want to see any of this! Any more than Noah wanted to see that he was gonna be the only one to survive when God decided to go on a killing spree and drown everybody..."

"Stop it." Kanda would have dearly loved to smack the man with Mugen, but the best he could manage at the moment was kicking Lavi sharply under the table. When Lavi looked at him, startled, Kanda snarled at him. "Don't you dare sympathize with him, damn it."

For a moment longer Lavi seemed bewildered, but then he grimaced. "Fuck. You're right, I can't let myself think like that. Hell." He stood abruptly. "Y'know what? I'm not that hungry after all."

With that he fled, not even bothering to bring his mostly full tray to the counter. Kanda watched him go, torn between an instinct that urged him to follow and his own reluctance to get any further involved. This mess was already spiralling out of control, and he didn't want to be dragged down with it.

On the other hand, Lavi was his responsibility, and that sort of erratic behaviour was exactly what Kanda was supposed to be watching him for. Cursing, he shoved his own dinner aside and followed.

He caught up with Lavi on the staircase that led to their rooms. The redhead had stopped with one hand white-knuckled on the banister, the other pressed against his eye. Lavi was making faint little whimpering noises, as if he was in extreme pain. Thankfully there was nobody else around.

"What is it?" Kanda demanded warily, wondering if it was some kind of powerful vision.

Lavi shook his head and made a noise suspiciously like a sob. "Just Noah fucking with me," he said, his voice choked. "You have no idea what it's like, having that much sheer anger and hatred simmering in the back of my head all the time." He looked down at Kanda two steps below him, his expression wary. "Truth is, I'm not nearly as confident I can hold him off forever as I keep telling everyone I am. The Earl was right - it's getting harder to ignore him as time goes on."

He looked like he was half expecting Kanda to kill him just for making the admission that he wasn't in complete control. In fact part of Kanda was screaming at him to do just that. If Lavi wasn't certain he could control himself, then he was exactly the threat Bookman kept claiming he was.

What stopped him was the thought of the map spread out over Lavi's floor, of the markings scribbled on it that represented hours of painstaking concentration and effort. Lavi was doing his best for the Order, despite the way everyone was treating him. Despite all the things he'd seen that he hadn't wanted to. Despite the pain that Kanda had seen Noah could cause him. Despite the doubt and fear that had to be eating him alive inside.

"Why do you do it?" Kanda demanded. Maybe if he could hear Lavi's reasons for himself, it would ease some of his own doubt. Lavi would hardly be the first person to overcome seemingly unbeatable odds with enough determination. "Why are you fighting?"

"Why?" Lavi looked at him like he was crazy for asking, but Kanda just stared him down. "Why... because I have to. The Noah are picking us off one by one, like a damned cat with a whole cage full of mice. If they could kill General Yeager, they could kill any of us. My power might make the difference, might be the only thing that could save us." He looked pained, but it wasn't a physical agony this time. It was emotional strain of the deepest sort, the fear of a man faced with losing everything that mattered to him. "If I can, I have to. You and Lenalee, Allen and Krory, even Exorcists I don't know all that well like Suman Dark or Noise Marie, you're all..."

Even in the dim light of the stairwell Kanda could see the way Lavi's eye suddenly flashed gold, and the other man gasped. Lavi collapsed abruptly, and Kanda barely managed to catch him before his head cracked open on the unforgiving stone.

Lavi was hyperventilating, his eye wide and unfocused, as if he was going into shock. Kanda shook him roughly, not sure what the hell he was supposed to do. "Lavi. Lavi! Snap out of it, damn it!"

A strong hand clutched at the collar of his jacket, and finally Lavi seemed to be aware of him. He stared up at Kanda with an expression of sheer horror. "Suman," he whispered, breathy and panicked. "Something... something is going to happen... Komui! Fuck, Yuu, I have to tell Komui..."

More than a little alarmed, Kanda rapidly considered his options. He shifted so Lavi could get his feet under him, slinging the redhead's arm over his shoulder and hauling him upright. "Let's go," he grunted, turning and heading back down the stairs towards Komui's office.

Lavi stumbled along beside him, still half lost in the vision. He was shaking hard enough that Kanda had a hard time keeping a good grip on him, and he finally wrapped his other arm around Lavi's waist in desperation. The other man had lost his hold on his human appearance, resuming his full Noah aspect. The few people who saw them went pale and turned tail in the opposite direction, which suited Kanda just fine.

"Komui," Kanda yelled the moment he judged they were within earshot of the man's office. He didn't much care if he drew everyone else's attention, too. This was obviously serious. "Komui! Get your ass out here, damn it."

The door opened and Komui came hurrying out, with Lenalee right behind him. His eyes went wide when he saw them, and Lenalee gasped. "Lavi!" she exclaimed, and came running towards them. To her credit she seemed to forget her fear in her worry for Lavi, and inserted herself under Lavi's other arm to help Kanda support him. "What happened?"

"I don't know, he just suddenly collapsed," Kanda said when Lavi didn't answer. "I think it was a vision. Something about Suman."

"Suman?" Lenalee repeated, her voice shaking. Komui held the door open for them and guided them into his office, then shut it tightly behind them.

"He's... something's going to happen," Lavi choked out the moment they were safely inside "I... I don't know when, or why, but... he's going to Fall."

"What? Suman?" Komui looked shocked, and well he should. Kanda was more than a little shocked himself. He hadn't worked with the other Exorcist often, but Suman had seemed reasonably competent on the few occasions Kanda had dealt with him.

"It's something to do with Tyki Mikk," Lavi said, sounding frustrated. His voice was gaining strength and he was leaning less of his weight on Kanda, shaking his head like he was struggling to clear it. "I can't see anything about the other Noah directly. I don't know if Noah is protecting them, or if their powers block mine, or what. All I know is that Suman is going to encounter Tyki, and at some point after that he is going to Fall."

"No! No, not Suman," Lenalee cried. "We have to stop it. There has to be something we can do. There has to be!"

"Call him back to headquarters. Now," Lavi said. "If you can get him out of the field in time, he won't encounter Tyki."

"He's out of reach, in an area with no phones," Komui said. "I wasn't expecting him or the rest of that unit to report in again for at least another week. I can send finders out after them..."

"I'll go," Lenalee volunteered immediately. "I can reach him much faster than the finders, and my golem can find his once I'm in range."

"No!" Lavi shuddered against Kanda. "Send me. I may be the only chance he's got."

Komui looked back at him, and even before he spoke Kanda knew what the answer was going to be. It was written all over the other man's face, regret and grief mixed with wariness. "Lenalee can travel faster than you can, Lavi. She'll..."

"She'll die," Lavi interrupted him harshly. "She'll die with the other two who are with Suman, when Tyki finds them. The moment she offered, I saw that. Believe that if you believe nothing else, Komui."

The threat to his sister was enough to make Komui reconsider, but Kanda could see that it wasn't going to be enough to convince him. "Don't be stupid, Komui," Kanda growled. "Send me with Lavi. We'll handle it."

"I'm the only one that can face Tyki Mikk and come out alive," Lavi said, staring intently at Komui. Kanda could feel the way he'd gone tense, and he knew that the next few moments were going to be an important turning point. If Komui wouldn't trust Lavi now, they would lose three good men to prove that Lavi's visions were right. Possibly four, if he allowed Lenalee to go after Suman.

Komui hesitated a moment longer, but finally shook his head. "I'll contact all the finders in the area, send them to Suman's last known location with urgent messages. If you would be able to reach him in time from here, then they certainly will be able to find and warn him before Tyki shows up."

Lavi let out a long breath, and pulled away from Kanda and Lenalee to stand on his own. He looked shaky and upset, but determined. "You don't trust me," he said quietly. "I can't even blame you for it, but you and I aren't the ones who are going to pay for it. Please, Komui. Let me do this. Give me this chance to prove myself to everyone, and save lives in the process."

"It's not that I don't trust you, Lavi," Komui replied regretfully. "I'm under orders not to allow you out of headquarters."

"And there's nothing I can say to change your mind," Lavi stated. It wasn't a question. In his Noah aspect he looked strange, almost alien, his golden eyes shining with emotions Kanda couldn't read. "Just don't send Lenalee. Please."

"I'm not afraid," Lenalee said. "I can't just stand by and wait to hear that people I care about have died. Please, brother, you have to let me do something!"

"I've already got a mission for you, Lenalee," Komui said firmly, resting his hand on his sister's shoulder. "Allen is due back first thing tomorrow, and you and he are going to go looking for General Cross. We've had a new lead about his location, and we need him more now than ever."

Lenalee protested again, but Lavi had already turned and walked out of the room. Kanda followed him, not at all interested in getting caught up in the familial argument. He found Lavi standing just outside the office, staring blankly into the distance with a look of resigned sorrow. He'd pulled himself together enough to resume his human appearance, but there was still something indefinably 'other' about him.

"We're gonna lose," he murmured before Kanda could say anything. "Suman will Fall, and we're gonna lose more than just the two Exorcists with him before he does. At least three, maybe four, and several dozen finders as well. Komui will never trust me, and that means I'm useless, locked up here. So are you, for that matter, since they need you to guard me."

"You're not useless," Kanda said, perturbed. Lavi's voice was flat, with no emotion in it at all, just as it had been when he'd spoken to the Earl. It made Kanda nervous, for no reason he could put his finger on. "You're making that map, and maybe you can't see a way to save Suman, but there will be other warnings you can give that will make a difference..."

"It's not enough." Lavi shook his head. "I could be doing a lot more than this, if they'd just give me the resources I need and the freedom to act. As it stands, no matter how hard I look, the future doesn't change. The Earl and Noah's clan will overpower the Order, it's that simple."

Lavi finally looked at him directly, and Kanda was disturbed to realize that his eye was still gold. "Unless something changes drastically, and soon... they are going to lose."

Staring back at him, Kanda wondered uneasily just where in that conversation 'we' had changed to 'they'.